Friday 13th October
Early morning FB messenger to Tracy, thanks for asking Tracy!
Pfff! Thanks for asking.
Alcohol free day 40.
Cottage is mine on 29 Oct.
Swims are great. Swimmers open and friendly on surface, too early for anything else. Work?? Don’t know where to begin hence radio silence. Feels very chaotic, little induction, ‘assessor’ seems to have become ‘co develop course, co teach, then assess! No time for mandatory IT, data protection and other essential training but already 8.5hrs over hours for this week.
Read my job description last night, it clearly does not say teach or develop course but does say ‘attend course and develop materials as needed’ in the final sentence.
My co-assessor is the closest I have to being a friend at the moment but she is also new and much is unclear. Ive told her I wouldn’t have taken the job on these grounds.
I need to have a conversation about boundaries with a manager but unsure how to start. Last night I was considering walking away.
Being off alcohol has naturally led to beautiful healthy eating until this week when my stress has seen me buy popcorn, sandwiches, ice cream, chocolate desserts and eat biscuits at work even tho I barely even ‘saw’ them there last week.
Ive had 5 different beds (Nic, London, Scotland, Orcades Hostel, HelpX place) since leaving home and before I even get to my cottage.
I’m tired of living out of my car, of creeping around to get morning coffee, of bashing my head on my bunk, of not knowing what I’m doing at work.
My exploration has been minimal, only by car, and related to swims.
This term is likely to be in college only with visits out to work placements next term. Weather is deceptive, very heavy cold showers with strong winds and then sun or all day grey but not cold.
You’ve caught me on my worst morning Tracy.
Yesterday I woke wondering why I am allowing work to do this to me, this morning I know I must have that conversation or walk away.
Hello Tracy, how are you? Xxxx
Later Friday Morning as in around 7.30am
I need to talk boundaries. I am tired so very tired. I’m not yet familiar enough with IT systems or curriculum topics. I learn itty bits as the days progress. I need to think my boundaries very carefully.
My PD and training needs can happen in my own time if needed.
Core training referred to in induction doc demands work time.
It is reasonable for me to prepare work for use with my own candidates and share if helpful.
I do not see preparing teaching materials in my assessor remit.
Supporting teaching is in my remit but I do not see planning and preparation of sessions there.
I accept that if my students have individual teaching needs because they are not following the curriculum of others that it would be reasonable for me to prepare materials and teach them if needed.
Head fuzz so unable to feel efficient.
Not understanding role eg yesterday I learned theres only 12 hours teaching not a year.
People keep saying I will be responsible for teaching candidates.
Ive not been adequately trained in IT systems.
I’m unclear about hours, about half term, about time spent working at home.
I seem to have a different understanding than my co-assessor.
I think that all sounds reasonable, go to work and discuss Tina.
I didn’t, of course, there was no time, it was full on with candidates all day, just twenty minutes to grab and eat lunch with a candidate staying late to work as had to wait for her ferry.